Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
