That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sext me about skeletons
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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