My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
