dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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