; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
