Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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