Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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