I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
