i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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