I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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