brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
