Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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