Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
