Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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