Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
