i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
