so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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