I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
