Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
