no, he came in my armpit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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