another moral hangover. fuck.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
