you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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