My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
