You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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