Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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