I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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