fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
