I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
