i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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