i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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