i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
