i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
