Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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