In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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