he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
