I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
