yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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