remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
