Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
