my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I understand Curling. That high.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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