THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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