I hate all girls vehemently.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
