I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
