So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
