Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
