I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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