dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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