He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They took my balls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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