There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
