this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
These tits shall not be calmed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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